When you’re in your 20s and 30s, retirement seems like a dream. For many of us, the idea of waking up with freedom to craft our day is enticing. However, when the dawn of retirement finally approaches, this inevitable life transition can be rife with emotions. Studies show that people nearing retirement encounter a mix of excitement, stress, anxiety, fear, and hesitation. You can help make this transition more enjoyable for your parents with a few simple actions.
To help out your parent(s) with their transition, start by putting yourself in their shoes(empathy-building), then ask questions to uncover their interests (discovery), and finally help them find & explore new ways to spend their time(experimentation). Taking proactive actions to help your parents navigate their transition into retirement will give you an opportunity to see your parents in a different light and help them manage stress which will help them live longer. Win-Win.
Step 1 – Build Empathy
So much of building empathy lies in understanding the other person’s world. This is the best place to start as you begin to work with your parents to help ease them into retirement.
There are several stages of retirement so consider which stage your parents are in. Retirement researchers define the five stages of retirement: 1) growing interest as retirement approaches, 2) initial euphoria, 3) some stress, 4) dealing with adjustments to a new lifestyle, 5) then settling down.” Remember that you can add value at any of these five stages but it’s critical you know their starting point.
Understanding your parents’ attitude towards retirement will inform how you can best work with your parents. For some Americans, retirement is involuntary due to layoffs, medical issues, and more. If your parent falls into an involuntary retirement category, understand how their retirement transition impacts their perspective. Taking time to unpack their perspectives will serve you in the long run. For people whose retirement is voluntary and planned, there may be other challenges. Though freeing up 40+ hours per week can be incredibly liberating, it can also be incredibly overwhelming.
Asking open-ended questions can help your parents open up so that you learn more about their inner world. Start with the 3 questions below to understand your parents’ perspective.
Padre Pal Prompts:
How are you feeling about retirement?
What are you looking forward to in retirement?
What are you worried about in retirement?
Step 2: Discovery
Many Baby Boomers and Gen Xers haven’t been exposed to the same tools and frameworks so it can be fun to introduce them to new ideas and ways of thinking. Millennials and Gen Zers have been exposed to increasing amounts of content around vision boarding, the importance of gratitude, finding your passion, getting in touch with your purpose and so much more.
Use the following prompts to have some fun brainstorming with your parents and loved ones!
Padre Pal Exercise:
- Brainstorm – Have your parents make a list of top 5-10 things you’ve always wanted to try once they entered retirement. Have them share the items on the list that they’re most excited about and why.
- Crazy 8’s – Fold a sheet of paper into 8 sections. For a total of 8 minutes (1-minute per panel), encourage your parents to draw ideas for how they spend time in retirement. After they’re done, have them share.
- Visioning – Use the Odyseey Worksheet from Designing Your Life to draw a vision of the next 5 years.
- Reflection – Have your parents ideate on what an ideal retirement day look like If your parents get stumped, ask the following questions to get the creative juices flowing.
- While working, what activity do you spend the most time on?
- to you?
- Mindfulness – If your parents have any anxiety around retirement, introduce them to mindfulness, yoga, and or gratitude journaling.
Once you have the information above, you can move to the next step.
Step 3: Exploration Support
Now that you understand your parents’ perspective about retirement, you can help them make a plan. To reduce decision paralysis, take the top item and help your parent develop a plan to take the first step to get started with that activity or interest.
Padre Pal Exercise:
Set a SMART goal to try the top item on the list identified in Step 2
When I did this exercise with my Mom, we discovered that she considers herself a people person and that she always wanted to work for the Eagles. Since football season was coming up, we filled in the application together, and I helped her prepare for her interview. It had been 30 years since she had interviewed for a job so it was incredibly fun to share my expertise with her. Ultimately she got the job, the Eagles won the Super Bowl that season, she met several Eagles players and is the proud owner of her own replica Eagles Super Bowl ring. By the end of the season, she realized that she didn’t like the Eagles enough to work outside in freezing temperature but we’ll forever have the memory of working through this process together.
As with anything, it’s helpful to have a buddy as you navigate to a new life stage. As your parents’ child, you have a unique perspective that can help them in this transition. Working through the process of empathy-building + inquiry + exploration can help reduce your parents’ anxiety as they navigate retirement. It will also help you build indelible memories that you can hold onto forever.
